W. C. Fields Lawyer Quotations

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.