Andy Rooney Life Quotations

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!

One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.