What I have found is that even when you try to transform existing structures they are so powerful they often overwhelm, seduce, and control you.
Stop trying to fix your body. It was never broken.
If you listen to the real in you, that part that's pulsing and has questions and is trying to figure something out, it will shape your life in a way where, when you get to be sixty, you'll succeed. You'll be happy about your life.