Fran Lebowitz Men Quotations

A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.

Take away a man's actual sense of manhood - which is conventionally based on the ability to work, to earn money, to be self-sufficient, to provide for children - and you've got to give them something else. And they did.

Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.

Marriage entitles women to the protection of a strong man who will steady the stepladder while they paint the kitchen ceiling.

The good thing about being in someone else's apartment is it's so much easier to leave than it is to get someone out.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

What do they do in these [private] clubs, anyway? Sit around saying things like 'Thank God I'm here. No Jews! What fun! This is living, huh? Look! No Jews! I don't know when I've had a better time. And no women! Just men! And no blacks! Just whites! White men! White men who are not Jewish! It doesn't get any better than this.' To some people, apparently, this is a perfect description of injustice. To me, this is a perfect description of a gay bar in Iceland.

Whenever someone accuses someone of being a racist - which is rare, you have to admit, considering how much racism there is - there is an incredible outrage. I realized that we live in an environment that it seems to be worse to call someone a racist than to be one.

Frenchman: Germans with good food.

All of television's appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type

I love being in love. I don't think anything compares with it, though I consider it very disruptive.

I'm not interested in being a wife. I'm interested in being an empress.

Knowingness is sexy. The opposite of sexy is naivete.

I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.

Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in moods, children will persist in discussing the color of a recently sighted cement mixer long after one's interest in the topic has waned

Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

. . .to me the outdoors is what you have to pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.