Self-pity is the campsite of self-defeat; it is a dark refuge for those parts of us that would rather wallow in what cannot be than dare to explore what is possible.
An unattended mind is the breeding ground of self-defeat.
See that any time you feel pained or defeated, it is only because you insist on clinging to what doesn't work. Dare to let go and you won't lose a thing except for a punishing idea.