Mitch Hedberg Kids Quotations

I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"

I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.