Dave Attell Quotations

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

I never wanted to be famous.

I'm not like a performer type.

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.

I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.

Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.

I have no grand scheme.