Larry David Quotations

Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.

Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away.

I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.

You know, when you do standup there are certain requirements that you have to do like you have to go on stage and when you get introduced you have to say "Hey,how ya doin'? How are ya?" I couldn't do it. It was false.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.

I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.