My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.
I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.