Scott Adams Suicide Quotations

Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.

You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.

I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.

In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.

Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.

You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.

He was deader than a shrunken head at a Hackey Sack festival.

The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.