Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry David

People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Susan Stroman

Mel has written 10 new songs, and they're very funny. It's a year and a half away from opening on Broadway.

Billy Corgan

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.

Bill Shankly

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

Bill Engvall

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

Carrie Fisher

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

Carrie Fisher

Instant gratification takes too long.

Bill Vaughan

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

Bill Bryson

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

Carl Jung

Aw, now look at that, you're being sarcastic, aren't you?

Charles Kingsley

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

Alanis Morissette

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

Charles Osgood

Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.

Benjamin Disraeli

A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.

Lillian Carter

Regarding Men: When they stop lookin', They ain't worth havin'.

Jesse L. Martin

Real men know how to listen, and real men know how to be honest.

Jennifer Taylor

People have had that old mentality that (child care) is just like a baby-sitting service.

Saeb Erekat

start thinking in the mentality of a partner.

Raoul Walsh

Some men are all right in their place if they only knew the right places.

Steve Erickson

Overall I think I'm playing a lot better. I've worked a lot more this year and I'm more confident. I'm mentally stronger.

Kevin Simpson

Over 20 women have called wanting to be a mentor to a young lady.

Nicole Vaidisova

Physically I was well, mentally I was well. I just never got into my rhythm.

Shane Montgomery

Most of the pressure we saw Saturday we had seen before. We just had some mental breakdowns. You see that sometimes in your first game.