Hilarious Quotations | Page 4

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband.

It's only funny till someone gets hurt........then it's hilarious

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?