Anthony Jeselnik Men Quotations

Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.

I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?