Daniel Tosh Men Quotations

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

There's only two types of men left in this world. Lumberjacks and Liam Nesson.

If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago - that's not the joke, that's what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, 'Holy cow, I'm 'The White Man.' I've heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.

I've always thought having a kid that played soccer would be the worst punishment. After watching 3 min of water polo I stand corrected.

Describe your perfect man who looks like me...

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...

You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?

Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek gods.

I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money to: a man that smells 4like liquiid garbage, or ocean breeze?

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.