Demetri Martin People Quotations

For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.

I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues; and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.

I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!

Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.

If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.

The problem with most people, is that they are most people.

The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.

Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

Most stick people are black.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.

I like people, for a little while.

When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.