Harriet Lerner Men Quotations

If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.

Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.

While women once acquired relationship skills to "hook," "snare," or "catch" a husband who would provide access to economic security and social status, the position of contemporary women has not changed that radically. Much of our success still depends on our attunement to "male culture," our ability to please men, and our readiness to conform to the masculine values of our institutions.

The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.

Believing that all women should want to be mothers makes about as much sense as believing that all men should want to be engineers.

Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.