Mitch Hedberg Witty Quotations

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.