Ronald Reagan Funny Quotations

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.

What we have found in this country, and maybe we're more aware of it now, is one problem that we've had, even in the best of times, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless, you might say, by choice.

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15.

It's silly talking about how many years we will have to spend in the jungles of Vietnam when we could pave the whole country and put parking stripes on it and still be home by Christmas.

It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.

One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.

Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources.

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.

Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders.

I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.

I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.

Please assure me that you are all Republicans.

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

Until now has there ever been a time in which so many of the prophecies are coming together? There have been times in the past when people thought the end of the world was coming, and so forth, but never anything like this.

We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet.

... a faceless mass, waiting for handouts.

Today a newcomer to the state is automatically eligible for our many aid programs the moment he crosses the border.

We think there is a parallel between federal involvement in education and the decline in profit over recent years.

They've done away with those committees. That shows the success of what the Soviets were able to do in this country.

I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself.

... the moral equal of our Founding Fathers.

I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The U.S. Geological Survey has told me that the proven potential for oil in Alaska alone is greater than the proven reserves in Saudi Arabia.

Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen.

But I also happen to be someone who believes in tithing--the giving of a tenth .

I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens out on our West Coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the figures, but I have a suspicion that that one little mountain has probably released more sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere of the world than has been released in the last ten years of automobile driving or things of that kind that people are so concerned about.

The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)

If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

If you're explaining, you're losing.

I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.

I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.