Stephen Colbert Ifs Quotations

If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.

Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

You don't need the right facts if you have the right inflection.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

If you love friends, you will serve your friends. If you love community, you will serve your community. If you love money, you will serve your money. And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.