Dave Barry Air Quotations

She wanted to cry, but she did not want Peter to see her cry, and she especially did not want Teacher, with her flowing hair, to see her cry.

Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.

In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.

Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which they will be fed an estimated total of four peanuts.

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?

Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.

...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.

When to arrive at the airport?: You should be at the airport already.

Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum."

For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair "look" that was originally popularized by coconuts.

Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color,* Or they should at least both be fairly dark.