Dave Barry Ravel Quotations

Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.

I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.

Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.

The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.

San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.

Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.

Be advised that there is no parking in Europe.

Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

Never trust anything you read in a travel article. Travel articles appear in publications that sell large, expensive advertisements to tourism-related industries, and these industries do not wish to see articles with headlines like: URUGUAY: DON'T BOTHER.

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum."

When to arrive at the airport?: You should be at the airport already.

The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.

And that's the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.