Ian Holloway Ball Quotations

You never count your chickens before they hatch. I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds. You just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right. I'm like a swan at the moment. I look fine on top of the water but under the water my little legs are going mad.

Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.

It's all very well having a great pianist playing but it's no good if you haven't got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play.

I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easily curable.

In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony Pulis uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory's throw. Call that cinnamon and he's got a cinnamon flavoured cake.

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.

I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark.

The dietician is going to get rid of that when he comes in. Although, first, we've got to get a dietician.

This club needs an impetus of energy - but I just feel tired to be honest. I'm worn out.

There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth.

You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go.

I might be in a bit of a Skoda garage rather than a Mercedes garage, but I am telling you some old bangers don't half polish up great.

My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending all night with Berbatov.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth.

I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!

I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that's one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they’d have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.

To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks she's not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.

We are all going to walk across a pit of coals and someone will teach us how to do it. I hope they will because I can't even walk on hot sand. It's all about training you to be a better person. Mastering your mind and focusing on the right things are important skills to have. There are millions of people who can kick a ball around but only a few can do it under pressure. You have to block out everything and focus on the game.

I reckon the ball was travelling at 400mph, and I bet it burned the keeper's eyebrows off.