Jack Handy Bet Quotations

I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.

I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar.

I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.

I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. ""That was fun,"" I said. ""You bet it was,"" said Nick. ""Let's climb higher."" ""No,"" I said. ""I think we should be heading back now."" ""We have time,"" Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, ""Can't you make it shoot farther?"" ""No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots.

I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.