Author unknown Quotations

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

The only limits in your life are those that you set yourself.

Life is a gift. Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment you are in. The Personal Excellence Blog - CelestineChua.co

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

On Halloween the thing you must do is pretend that nothing can frighten you. And if something scares you and you want to run just let on like it's Halloween fun

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

I got cold hard cash for Christmas. Five bucks frozen in a block of ice.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here.

Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is improving.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

Yo momma's so fat, she walked past the TV and i missed the first season of Lost.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,May luck be yours on Halloween.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?

Why do we call them buildings when they're finished? Shouldn't they be called Builts?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

When shooting a mime, don't use a silencer or his friends will hear you.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Without true celebration discipline is obnoxious.

Anybody who is not pulling his weight is probably pushing his luck.

True religion is a universal and (necessarily) ego-transcending psycho-physical motivation of human beings. However, up to the present stage in human history, only relatively few individuals in any generation have been willing and able to make the gesture that is true religion (or, otherwise, true esotericism). In their great numbers, most people have, up to now, never yet been ready or willing to adapt to the true (and progressive) practical, moral, devotional, Spiritual, and Transcendental Wisdom-culture of right life.

The nature of the world is inherently obvious, if you remain in a state of total psycho-physical oneness with whatever and all that presently arises.

my opinion is that we have, in the person of Da Free John, a Spiritual Master and religious genius of the ultimate degree. I assure you I do not mean that lightly. I am not tossing out high-powered phrases to 'hype' the works of Da Free John. I am simply offering to you my own considered opinion: Da Free John's teaching is, I believe, unsurpassed by that of any other spiritual Hero, of any period, of any place, of any time, of any persuasion.

Death is utterly acceptable to consciousness and life.

There is only God. REALITY is God and has never required your belief. This reality no "one" survives. In Ultimate Reality no "one" is saved either - there is simply nothing to save you "from" : you have not emerged from any "other" and there is no place else for "you" to disappear into. Ever.

The Truth that is to be Realized may be summarized simply as the Realization that no matter what is arising, no matter how many others are present, there is only One Being. This is precisely different from the childish but common religious notion that even when you are alone there is always Someone Else present, Who will look out for you if you do the right thing. True freedom is not a matter of striking a deal with an All-Powerful Parental Deity; no such God exists. True freedom is in the Realization that there is only God and You are That One.

Remembering the Mystery is a way of being everything you always already are.

Only everybody-all-a t-once can change the current chaos.

There is only the constant knowledge and enjoyment of the Heart, moment to moment, through the instant of all conditions of appearance and disappearance. Of this I am perfectly certain. I am That.

Everything eaten is killed. Every meal is a sacrifice.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

To seek Truth is to deny Truth to being with. To seek Truth is to avoid Truth, constantly.

Be Consciousness (Itself)- Contemplate Consciousness (Itself)- Transcend Everything in Consciousness (Itself).

Truth is that which, when fully realized, sets you free from all bondage and all seeking.

We are defined and controlled by all that we have not transcended.

When you're learning, you're burning - putting out a lot of heat. When you're all burned up, then you become light.

When happiness gets into your system, it is bound to break out on your face. While money can't buy happiness it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. You always know, at this very moment, exactly what it would be to look, and feel, and be, and act completely Happy.

Patience often gets the credit that belongs to fatigue.

You cannot become Happy, You can only Be Happy.

You are all spirits. It is not that you "have" a spirit. To have a spirit implies that you are spirit and that you are also something else. Human beings are spirits. Being a human being is one of the ways of being a spirit.

Most perfect self-understanding is the capability to directly (immediately) transcend dilemma, all problems, all seeking.

Real intelligence must be fiercely capable of investigating every aspect of existence, including the very process of knowledge that we call science .

Men have only two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

Love does not fail for you when you are rejected, betrayed or apparently not Loved. Love fails for you when you reject, betray and do not love. Therefore .. Love.

The exclusion of true esoteric religion has been the business of the State since ancient times. At first this was done via the establishment of the popular idealism of exoteric religious institutions in league with the State. But in modern times the same process is done by the strategic exclusion of conventional religious cultism, mystical idealism, and higher evolutionary Wisdom from the mechanisms of popular culture.

Relax. Nothing is under control.

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Easter is not a time for groping through dusty, musty tomes or tombs to disprove spontaneous generation or even to prove life eternal. It is a day to fan the ashes of dead hope, a day to banish doubts and seek the slopes where the sun is rising, to revel in the faith which transports us out of ourselves and the dead past into the vast and inviting unknown.

Everything around us is made up of energy. To attract positive things in your life, start by giving off positive energy.

Everyday isnt good, but there is something good in every day.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

There's no next time. It's now or never.

I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

Pretty much nothing in time and space is as important as you think it is. Except, of course, dreaming and hugs.

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.