You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.
You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.
If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.
You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke.
If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear Lynyrd Skynyrd`s "Freebird" live.
If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck
If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.
If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.
You just may be a redneck if your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck
You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light
You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn...
You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.
You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You might be a redneck if you celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.
You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.
You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.
You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.
You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.