Joan Rivers Trying Quotations

They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.