Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 1906 – 24 February 1998) was a British-born American comedian and musician famous for his mastery of the "one-liner", his best known being "Take my wife... please". (wikipedia)
This man dresses like an unmade bed.
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"
My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"