Rodney Dangerfield Doctors Quotations

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.