Dave Attell Thinking Quotations

A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies, and that's about it.

My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that.

I love Fear Factor, but I think they're running out of fears. It's only a matter of time before they're sitting around doing shots of Hepatitis C.

Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!'

Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.

Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big difference. To me, a friend's a guy who will help you move. A best friend's a guy who will help you move a body. That's how I look at it.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.