Jack Handy Burn Quotations

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. ""Oh, no,"" I said. ""Disneyland burned down."" He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up

If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking, then kick a burning log out of the fireplace onto the carpet. Then jump on top of it with your body and yell, ""Log o' fire! Log o' fire!"" I've never done this, but I think it'd work.