W. C. Fields Men Quotations

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

You can't cheat an honest man.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Ain't fit for man nor beast