Dave Chappelle Funny Quotations

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.'

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous.

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.