Emo Philips Baby Quotations

Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but needs to be close so she secretly becomes the maid in the household.

I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.

My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.