Martin Luther Humor Quotations

If I am not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.

I feel much freer now that I am certain the pope is the Antichrist.

There is no rustic so rude but that, if he dreams or fancies anything, it must be the whisper of the Holy Ghost, and he himself a prophet.

Sin cannot tear you away from him [Christ] even though you commit adultery a hundred times a day and commit as many murders.

What shall we do with...the Jews?...set fire to their synagogues or schools and bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them.

What shall we do with...the Jews?...I advise that safe-conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews.

We should throw the Epistle of James out of this school...

We may well lie with what seems to be a woman of flesh and blood, and yet all the time it is only a devil in the shape of a woman.

We know, on the authority of Moses, that longer than six thousand years the world did not exist.

We are at fault for not slaying the Jews.

...two devils rose from the water, and flew off through the air, crying, 'Oh, oh, oh!' and turning one over another, in sportive mockery...

What shall we do with...the Jews?...their homes also should be razed and destroyed.

So tenaciously should we cling to the world revealed by the Gospel, that were I to see all the Angels of Heaven coming down to me to tell me something different, not only would I not be tempted to doubt a single syllable, but I would shut my eyes and stop my ears, for they would not deserve to be either seen or heard.

When I was a child there were many witches, and they bewitched both cattle and men, especially children.

In many countries there are particular places to which devils more especially resort. In Prussia there is an infinite number of evil spirits.

I myself saw and touched at Dessay, a child of this sort, which had no human parents, but had proceeded from the Devil. He was twelve years old, and, in outward form, exactly resembled ordinary children.

I maintain that some Jew wrote it who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any.

I almost feel like throwing Jimmy into the stove, as the priest in Kulenberg did.

How often have not the demons called 'Nix,' drawn women and girls into the water, and there had commerce with them, with fearful consequences.

Demons live in many lands, but particularly in Prussia.

At Poltersberg, there is a lake similarly cursed. If you throw a stone into it, a dreadful storm immediately arises, and the whole neighboring district quakes to its centre. 'Tis the devils kept prisoner there.

A large number of deaf, crippled and blind people are afflicted solely through the malice of the demon. And one must in no wise doubt that plagues, fevers and every sort of evil come from him.

Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt...people.

To be a Christian, you must pluck out the eye of reason.

The winds are nothing else but good or bad spirits. Hark! how the Devil is puffing and blowing...

The fact that the biblical book Hebrews is not an epistle of St Paul, or of any other apostle, is proved by what it says in chapter two...

The Devil, too, sometimes steals human children; it is not infrequent for him to carry away infants within the first six weeks after birth, and to substitute in their place imps...

The Devil, it is true, is not exactly a doctor who has taken degrees, but he is very learned, very expert for all that. He has not been carrying on his business during thousands of years for nothing...

The Devil...clutched hold of the miserable young man...and flew off with him through the ceiling, since which time nothing has been heard of him.

The best way to get rid of the Devil, if you cannot kill it with the words of Holy Scripture, is to rail at and mock him. Music, too, is very good; music is hateful to him, and drives him far away.

Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells.

Many sweat to reconcile St Paul and St James, but in vain. 'Faith justifies' and 'faith does not justify' contradict each other flatly. If any one can harmonize them I will give him my doctor's hood and let him call me a fool.

God does not work salvation for fictitious sinners. Be a sinner and sin vigorously... Do not for a moment imagine that this life is the abiding place of justice; sin must be committed.

We need not invite the Devil to our table; he is too ready to come without being asked. The air all about us is filled with demons...

Whoever wants to be a Christian should tear the eyes out of his reason.