Toilets Quotations

I was the only westerner to succeed in a place that's like a toilet, and you always come out of a toilet with a smell.

I'd find it demeaning to be cleaning toilets.

Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.

It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

I was used to getting changed in pub toilets before going on set. Then suddenly I had studios in L.A. advising me on my hair.

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said Deformed Mans Toilet, that kind of thing.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

Why do I continue making movies? Making movies is better than cleaning toilets.

We are now in the 21st century: all books, including the Koran, should be fair game for flushing down the toilet without fear of violent reprisal.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses. It's so easy to make excuses. Even professional writers have days when they'd rather clean the toilet than do the writing.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping malls coming out of the walls, as we walk out among the manure. That's why I pay no mind.

I am a big fan of long drop, composting toilets - I like the cycle of using waste. When you have experienced one and seen what comes out of the bottom, it is amazing stuff. It's the most beautiful, driest, sweet-smelling compost.

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

I can install toilets. I know all about the wax ring. I can tile floors. I'm learning how to do basic wiring.

In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet, it continued down.

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet.

We're expecting to see a lot more foot traffic than usual, ... Trash bins and portable toilets will be available.

If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?

It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.

It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

You spend your whole life trying to get known and then you spend the rest of it hiding in the toilet.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here'. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!

But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet.

Timmy, who made a daring escape, also made a mistake of paying the taxi driver with a check made out of toilet paper.

We decided to get creative and put up toilets instead of a fence. I had an aunt who did this one time with one toilet. But she had real flowers in it.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

The burden of keeping three people in toilet paper seemed to me rather a heavy one.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.

When the state cut library budgets a while back, I began to study fundraising techniques. The only two we haven't tried here are pay toilets and slot machines.

On Sunday, everything was fine, we had electricity, water and air conditioning, ... On Monday, we lost electricity. By Tuesday the water was coming in through the holes in the roof, the electricity and air conditioning were off and toilets were beginning to back up. People were getting frustrated.

From a public policy point of view, it worries me that computer whizzes have more value and dignity than a person who cleans toilets or is a gardener,

from disgruntled consumers who are angry that their new toilets repeatedly clog, require multiple flushing, and in the end do not save water.

Martin Luther dreamed up Protestantism while sitting on the toilet at Wittenburg monastery, and we know what a big movement that became.

Our children will be the ones that are making the bed sheets and swabbing out the toilets in the hotels. Our children will be the ones who are handing the hamburgers out the window at McDonald's.

I was the nasty one that sat in the toilets and smoked-and made the other girls cry

There's nothing special about losing your virginity over a toilet.

She cleans a toilet inside and out under a minute. More like terrifying

The left's idea of science is that we should all be riding bicycles and using the Clivus Multrum composting latrines instead of flush toilets. Anyone who dissents, they say - while adjusting their healing crystals for emphasis - is afraid of science.

Any outfit that can't figure out clean toilets and decent theming on its own can't benefit from my advice.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've been on sets where the turnaround is so fast and the budget so small that the actors have been asked to speed things up and save money by changing in the public toilets. There's no room for vanity at times like that. It's the best way: get on with it!

As he flushed, an unexpected realization hit him. This is the Pope's toilet, he thought. I just took a leak in the Pope's toilet. He had to chuckle. The Holy Throne.

The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

Once upon a time I was riding on the top of a First Avenue bus, when I heard a mythical housewife say to another, "Molly, my dear, I would have bought that new brand of toilet soap if only they hadn't set the body copy in ten point Garamond." Don't you believe it. What really decides consumers to buy or not to buy is the content of your advertising, not its form.

Remember, if you write anything nasty about me, I'll come around and blow up your toilet.

The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.

We're not insulted, ... The Collapse of Toilets in Glasgow.

We had 200, 300 people sharing three sets of bathrooms -- elementary school bathrooms with no flushing toilets and no running water.

Toilets get a bad rap. So does the door on the way out.

There's no drinking water. The toilets are backed up. There's no power, no electricity and there's no telling when help will arrive, ... If you're not from the South, you don't understand that once that levee breaks, you've got snakes, you've got alligators, you've got everything going through the city.

The toilets are flushing great in the locker room.

They refused to acknowledge the fact that there were six toilets on it.

It was slipped in so quietly, nobody quite knew what was going on till the new standard took effect and the new toilets started appearing.

I'm cleaning toilets for $30 a day, because I needed that $30, and people are pointing at me, saying, Look at the big movie star. Look where he is now. I just said, I'm where God put me.

If you've got air conditioning, clean water, toilets that work where you are, don't come back to Beaumont,

I remember playing CBGB and thinking that no one had cleaned the toilets in there for at least six or seven years. Now maybe the women's bathroom is different but in the men's bathroom, you literally wouldn't want to stand there, let alone sit there. I mean, it's horrible.

I know of some toilets in Korea where you can drink tea -- you don't feel you are in an awkward situation.

Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.

I remember Tallulah (Bankhead) telling of going into a public ladies' room and discovering there was no toilet tissue. She looked underneath the booth and said to the lady in the next stall, 'I beg your pardon, do you happen to have any toilet tissue in there?' The lady said no. So Tallulah said, 'Well, then, dahling, do you have two fives for a ten?'

All my good reading, you might say, was done in the toilet.

Im shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I wont sit on a toilet seat on a plane. Im certainly not going to go on somebodys lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?

Books Are Good For Lots Of Uses, Not For Dropping In The Toilet.

I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.

Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket!

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

No one goes to the toilet in novels. You'd think none of us had bladders.

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up.

Don’t get married in a house where there is no toilet,

We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!

Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls. We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat. George! Only joking, Mum.

Montague's just been found in a toilet, Sir.

No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it— it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

I'm probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do.

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular piece of mine, shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes.

Do you have someone watching her house?” (Stephanie) “That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We’re so underbudgeted we’re one step away from holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)

I loved being in Trainspotting and having to dive into the filthiest toilet in Scotland.

It's the mortal cup Jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.

I was a maid, so cleaning toilets wasn't my favorite thing, but honestly, standing outside all day in the cold was worse.

There is something reassuring about the toilets. Bodily functions at least remain democratic. Everybody shits.

[Americans] can't understand that the water in our toilet is cleaner than 880 million have access to.

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

I could be worse, you know." "How?" I asked, teasing. "I mean, I have a work of calligraphy over my toilet that reads, 'Bathe yourself in the comfort of God's words,' Hazel. I could be way worse." "Sounds unsanitary," I said.

I was thinking about dying the other day the death thought came while I was sitting on the toilet peeing - that's where I have my most contemplative thoughts.

An OBE is what you get if you clean the toilets well at King's Cross station.