Mae West Funny Quotations

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

A man in the house is worth two in the street.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

March isn't the only thing that's in like a lion and out like a lamb.

I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one.

A man's kiss is his signature.

Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.